Can't help falling in love? You might be an emophiliac.

I had never heard of the word "emophilia" until today when I read The Times newspaper. So I learned something today and I would like to pass it on as it might interest others. You might know of somebody who meets people and then quite soon afterwards declares that they are in love with that person. That the person is "the one". 

And then they promptly split up and start all over again with somebody else. This person might be an emophiliac; a person who falls in the out of love a lot and enjoys the emotional rush of the process.

Until now, as far as I know, psychologists haven't put a label to this form of human behaviour. Now they have. Dr. Daniel Jones, associate professor of psychology at the University of Nevada coined the term "emophilia". He describes it as the tendency to fall in love fast and often.

It's possible that Shakespeare's Romeo may have been an emophiliac. He starts off by falling in love with Rosaline at the beginning of the play and declared that there was no one fairer than her. He then swiftly turns his affections to Juliet who also gets a similar compliment with the phrase "It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."

There is a spectrum of intensity when it comes to haemophilia. Some people are high on the scale while others are low on the scale. Most people are in the middle. Dr. Daniel Jones said that people who are highly emophilic repeatedly "seek the rush of romantic emotions, immediate romantic corrections, and the rapid development of romantic love."

It is a kind of addictive rush it seems to me. It's not that the similar it seems to a kind of drug; the drug of love and the emotions that flow from it. Dr. Jones added that for these people it's about want not need. Actually sex addiction comes to mind to which is also seeking a rush to temporarily brighten up one's life.

The predictable downside to this form of falling in love is that you don't give yourself time to ensure that you have connected with the right person. You don't have enough information about the person. It seems that you bypass the usual niceties and introductions and getting used to each other so that you know each other before falling truly in love.

Studies have found that people high in emophilia are more likely to lie and cover for their partner even if they have only known them for a short time. They are also more likely to be unfaithful.

Once emophiliacs get into a relationship they don't turn off their emophilic tendencies. They appear to go onto the next person.

"If someone did fall in love overnight and maintained that relationship faithfully with no other love interests until death, I would not classify that person as high in emophilia. Thus, although the development of a romantic connection must be fast for emophilia to be present, it must also be repeated."

His advice to people "suffering" from this form of addiction as I would call it is to be more patient and to give a chance to people who might seem boring at first. They might overlook people they consider to be boring because they can't get the rush that they desire. But these people are more genuine it seems because people who are very smooth and perform well on a first date may have an agenda and may be exploitative.

Dr. Jones added that it was wise to trust the advice of a friend or family member and perhaps a therapist and "remember that emotions and excitement can be easily manipulated but trust and companionship should not be rushed into and a good foundation is critical for a realistic chance to have a relationship work."

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P.S. please forgive the occasional typo. These articles are written at breakneck speed using Dragon Dictate. I have to prepare them in around 20 mins. Also, sources for news articles are carefully selected but the news is often not independently verified. And, I rely on scientific studies but they are not 100% reliable. Finally, (!) I often express an OPINION on the news. Please share yours in a comment.

Fruit flies can teach us about love, risk and reward

It may surprise you to know that according to a study, fruit flies can teach humans something about love, risk and reward. You thought they were just silly, irritating small flies that got in the way and needed to be squashed at any opportunity. I understand that but read this article and see whether you change your opinion afterwards.

They say love is blind and for the fruit fly it's true. But then again it is sometimes true for humans as well. Sometimes a person in love can take untypical risks because everything in their lives flies out of the window (excuse the pun again 💕😉).

The study discovered that when a male fruit fly sets his sights on a female his sex drive takes over. He loses his ability to spot predators. When sex is the goal male fruit flies become "oblivious to physical danger". They pursue their mate with an abandonment of the risks because they don't register.

So why don't the risks register any more? They studied the neural pathways that are activated in the brains of fruit flies to see what happens. When the fruit fly is close to mating with a female there is an increase in dopamine caused by his sex drive. This increase in dopamine overrides the fly's sensory receptors. This in turn "reduces the ability of the fly to respond to threat, causing it to focus on mating".

That's according to the study published in the journal Nature. The researchers have suggested that a similar process might take place in the human brain. The suggestion is that when humans are close to achieving their goals risk is subsumed by the potential of the reward.

"You can see this kind of motivation that play all the time among humans. Imagine you are climbing a mountain and you're close to the summit. If the weather changes and conditions become dangerous, you might disregard that threat because you are so close to your goal."

Those are the words of Dr. Lisa Sheunemann, of the Free University of Berlin who contributed to the study findings.

It seems that the male fruit flies develops tunnel vision when pursuing a mate. Dr. Carolina Rezaval, also of the study and the lead researcher, said that: 

"Our study shows that as courtship progresses, dopamine increases, acting as a sensory filter that blocks distractions and helps the animal focus on the task at hand when close to its goal. We are excited to explore if this is a general decision-making mechanism that is also present in mammals, including humans."

Comment: my life's experience tells me that it is also common in humans. Perhaps particularly males as is the case for fruit flies. We can learn something from fruit flies.

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P.S. please forgive the occasional typo. These articles are written at breakneck speed using Dragon Dictate. I have to prepare them in around 20 mins. Also: sources for news articles are carefully selected but the news is often not independently verified. Also, I rely on scientific studies but they are not 100% reliable.

Diary of a female Palestinian in Gaza recording taking a cat to a veterinary clinic

The Guardian newspaper online is publishing extracts of a diary from a 35-year-old Palestinian man living in Gaza by the name of Ziad. The diary provides us with some insights into life in Gaza under this terrible Israeli onslaught. Note: I first believed the diary was written by a woman because I misinterpreted the name's gender! Hence the title to the article.

A dystopian scene of shattered and destroyed Gaza. Image: UNICEF/UNI453255/EL BABA

We all understand that Israel has a right to retaliate in response to the terrorist attack on October 7 which was horrendously brutal. But to many, Israel have gone too far and they seem to be bent on destroying Gaza. Although I won't get into a political debate on that.

But Ziad is writing his diary within this context; a shattered Gaza were the inhabitants are struggling to survive and remain alive. Within his diary is a little extract of a cat that she rescued and how he deals with her. The cat's name is Manara. The name is Arabic for "Light". I've taken the name to be female.

I hope The Guardian don't mind me republishing a short extract from Ziad's diary:

Saturday 4 November 9.30am: "We finally find a vet where we can take Manara to have the remaining injections. It is 45 minutes’ walk away....I go with Ahmad with Manara in the bag. She does not resist..We finally reach the vet, and he tells us there is no need to give the remaining shot to Manara. He says that her eye is ruined, and all we need to do for the other one is to use eye drops. 

He does not approve of giving her anti-flea medicine because she has scars all over her body...The vet has no food left or cat litter, but he directs us to another shop, which takes another 10 minutes of walking to reach. When we arrive, I feel shocked; there is a lot of destruction around the place. I am scared.

We go into the shop and buy the food and litter. I see a number of birds, fish and one hamster. The owner tells us he has lost many animals because of the bombing....Noon Since Manara has chosen to sleep in an old carton, I go to buy her a box. Finding a box is easy but finding a blanket to put in it is not. There are almost no blankets or covers left."

He goes on to recount that only one shop has the facility where she can withdraw cash with a Visa card but at a very high commission. He goes in search of a blanket for Manara. He walked for an hour visiting every shop on his walk looking for a blanket. One seller offers to provide him with a blanket from his own home. He refuses and thanks him. He eventually finds a bed cover that came with two pillowcases.

RELATED: No cat food in Gaza since the war began on Oct 7. This means cats will become ill through a lack of proper nutrition.

Comment: my comment on the above extract is that it is surprising to me that a veterinarian's clinic remains open but barely. How many are there? Very few I expect which means many companion animals will not be receiving treatment. 

It also tells us that Manara was badly injured and is blind in one eye. She has scars all over her body presumably from injuries suffered in the collapse of a building or a bomb blast. You wonder how Manara feels emotionally. You wonder whether she'll cope emotionally. She must be enormously anxious because of the disruption, noise, irregularity of human movement and activity. 

Domestic cats love calm and regularity, routines and predictability as it reassures them. This cat is suffering the exact opposite while carrying injuries. I don't have much hope for her in the immediate future bearing in mind that Benjamin Netanyahu has committed to bombing and shelling Gaza for months to come. 

And there will be Israeli troops on the ground trying to find and kill Hamas terrorists. That'll mean more destruction of infrastructure and homes and more destruction of children. It is said that around 8000 children have been known to be killed with a possible added 3000 under the rubble.

I don't take sides. But I see a wrong being carried out here which is an over-reaction by Israel. They are using dumb bombs half the time. These are not guided missiles but from simply dropped injected from warplanes. The bombs have not been programmed to hit a certain target.

I wish Manara and Ziad well. I wish them all of God's blessings and all the luck in the world to survive the next months.

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P.S. please forgive the occasional typo. These articles are written at breakneck speed using Dragon Dictate. I have to prepare them in around 20 mins.

The mutually beneficial relationship between cats and writers

Canadian novelist Robertson Davies (1913-1995) amusingly described what he saw as a mutually beneficial relationship between domestic cats and writers in his line: "Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reason". He wasn't alone in those feelings.

Robertson Davies. Image: Wikipedia.

There is a natural connection between domestic cats and authors both in their character and in their lifestyle. Introverts tend to make good authors. It doesn't mean that all authors are introverts but it is probably fair to say that the majority are.

Introverted authors are introspective and they often work alone. There is a similarity in lifestyle right there because the domestic cat has this slightly solitary nature, living apart a little from mainstream life, doing their own thing. The cat's activities intersect with those of their human caregiver. There is this slight distance between cat and caregiver in contrast to that of the dog. That's because of the cat's solitariness.

And the writer works alone. Sometimes they go away to a quiet place to work, to think, to create to be introspective. It is said that writers can be shy because they are fearful of being rejected, being judged and not being good enough.

RELATED: Authors Who Loved Cats.

I guess one aspect of writing is that you are offering to the world your opinion, thoughts and ideas. In writing a novel you are expressing your imagination. You are opening yourself up to criticism. You're giving the public a bit of yourself. You are exposing your inner self to the public which can be difficult. Sometimes you have to put your head over the parapet so to speak to potentially be shot down.

The great Mark Twain loved cats and gave them strange names. He said that the reason was to teach kids how to pronounce words! Image in the public domain.

There is perhaps a similarity here between writers and cats. Cats, I would argue, are inherently slightly fearful of the environment that the human creates for them. It doesn't take much for a cat to become anxious which is why one of the primary roles of the caregiver is to create a calm and friendly environment for their cat companion to counteract this potential for anxiety.

And when a writer writes, alone at their desk, they create an ideal environment for a domestic cat companion. It's almost a merging of minds and character. And in being alone, the writer has an ever-present friend in their cat. They can just be there warming up the place emotionally without distracting by interfering except perhaps when desiring to sit on their lap or on their paperwork. Unlike dogs who are prone to loud barking and making demands to go for a walk.

One of the literary world's greatest cat lovers was Colette (1873-1954), the author of Gigi. She wrote, "By associating with a cat, one only risks becoming richer".

It is the aloneness of writers which enables them to produce their best work. If many are introverts, they love to read, sit quietly with their cat. Introverts love written communication. It gives them time to put their thoughts together.

They like attention to detail, in editing their work and they are constantly thinking, creating ideas and polishing their thoughts.

It is said that they are the masters of introspection. In their solitariness they observe the world around them. They are great observers. My mind turns to Dr. Desmond Morris, probably my favourite author who observed the world so well that he was able to write so beautifully about what's behind the behaviour of our feline companions as well as their human caregivers.

You can see the similarity between authors and cats! Cats are great observers too. Very alert to events occurring around them with sharpened senses.  Writers are also alert to events and happenings. And they think about them in their creative process.

Cats and authors go together like custard apple pie or steak and chips. Of course, not all authors like cats. Some will be fearful of them just like other people. But all things being equal you'll see a higher-than-average association between cats and writers.

How do I get my cats to stop stealing my man?

 It seems that the woman feels that her cats are 'stealing' her man because they love being with him as the picture shows. My response was this:

Let them both have the freedom to have their relationships as it will strengthen your relationship.

What I mean is if she tries to restrict access between the cats and her man, she'll stress her relationship with her man whereas in doing the opposite he'll appreciate it and it'll be good for her relationship. Giving your partner freedoms is the best way to bring them nearer. Restricting people pushes them away. Allowing freedoms brings the person closer.

But it nice to see that the cats seem to prefer the man! Uhm..that's good as the default impression we have from the internet is that dogs are a man's best friend and cats belong with women! Nah...wrong.

How do I get my cats to stop stealing my man? They get along great, don't they? Image: Reddit user: u/MckennaMakes

Can domestic cats be super-shy?

Shy cat? Screenshot.

The word "shy" is normally used in relation to the emotions and behaviour of humans and it means a person who is nervous or timid in the company of people. On THAT definition domestic cats can certainly be shy because there are two distinct character types for domestic cats namely the confident cat and the timid cat. 

A timid cat is more likely to hide when a stranger enters the room for instance. A more confident cat is more able to adjust to the presence of a stranger and perhaps even approach them. This is about nervousness to new events and strange people. It's about confidence really.

Video

The kitten in the video is called super-shy? I don't think that the kitten is behaving this way because they are shy. It looks that way but I think the looks are misleading. It looks as if this kitten is a little tired and is placing her paws over her eyes in preparation to sleep or snooze.

Discussion about cats being shy - same as for humans?

But I am not sure that domestic cats experience the same kind of shyness that humans do. A young person might be shy in the presence of strangers because they lack confidence and are unsure about themselves. A cat might be shy in the presence of strangers because they lack confidence but the underlying emotion will not be a feeling of unsureness about their abilities but about the potential dangers that a stranger presents to them. It's about self-preservation. That does not come into play when a person is shy.

To stress the point: for a cat being shy it means that they are protecting themselves against an unknown creature whereas for a human being shy it is not about self-protection but about self-confidence. Although the physical behaviour will look similar between cats and humans.

RELATED: Shy male tabby cat falls for pretty gray female and opens up.

Embarrassment

In humans, as well, when they are shy, they can tend to be embarrassed with a red face. Obviously, this does not happen with cats. The emotion of embarrassment is not in the domestic cat's repertoire of emotions as far as I am aware. 

This is a higher emotion and there is a big discussion about whether domestic cats can experience the higher emotions. There is no difficulty in understanding that cats experience the lower emotions such as happiness and sadness, anger and calm but the emotions such as grief and jealousy are up for discussion.

Learned a lot

There is one thing for sure, though, people are gradually learning a lot more about domestic cats and their abilities together with their intelligence and in doing so we are understanding that cats have a greater range of emotions than we had previously thought were possible.

If you go back far enough you even find that some veterinarians didn't believe that cats could feel pain! That's how far we have moved on and a lot of that is thanks to the education about cats brought to people via the Internet. It has transformed our knowledge of cats.

A stressed cat owner cannot be a good cat owner

We know how competently even brilliantly domestic cats can de-stress their owner. It's one reason why we live with cats. They are great companions and they help stop us from getting too wound up because once they are on your lap you have to slow down a bit. And they get in the way when you are on your computer. You either accept that and work around it or you fight it and become more anxious and stressed.

A stressed cat owner may have a stressed as well and a stress cat owner cannot really discharge their responsibilities to a high level. The image is by Michael.

But the point is that if a cat owner is stressed by their lifestyle, by their work or by any manner of reasons, they are not going to be a great cat caregiver.

Stress leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to depression. You can't be a good cat caregiver if you are stressed and anxious although, as mentioned, there is the counter measure which is that although being stressed prevents you being a good cat caregiver, living with a cat makes you a better cat caregiver because it calms you down! 

The problem is that in the meantime you are likely to interact with your cat in a less than good way because of your anxiety. If you are irritated because of stress then you are going to be irritated by your cat at some point. And you might yell at your cat or behave towards your cat in a brusque and unsatisfactory way. There is no blame in this. It is just a simple fact.

I know for a fact that if I'm stressed, I'm not going to present the best side of me in terms of cat caregiving. I might be irritated because my cat brushes against my bare legs and at that moment in time I don't want to feel that. I want to get on with what I'm doing and my cat is getting in the way of achieving that.

But in having a cat we have to be prepared to compromise and to give way to our cat. We are sharing the same environment as our cat. The environment should be pleasant and mentally stimulating for our cat.

It's an interesting mix because on the one side there is the responsibility of caring for a cat well and this in itself can make a person stressed, and yet on the other side there is the pleasure of looking after a cat and the pleasures that flow from it which helps to de-stress a person.

A person stressed by the responsibilities of caring for their cat

There is an interesting post on the Reddit.com website about a person who adopted a cat and became very stressed because they wanted to do their absolute best in looking after their cat. They did everything possible to make the life of their cat as good as possible.

In striving for this state of affairs, the cat owner became very stressed. They went to the Reddit.com website to ask for advice because the person didn't even feel a bond to their cat after doing so much for them. And they asked, "How can I stop holding the bar up so high for myself and revolve my life around my cat?"

I think the ultimate answer as to how you relate to your cat and care for your cat is that you must simply love her or him. If you love your cat everything good flows from that starting point. You will find out what your cat likes and loves and what makes them happy and indeed what makes you happy. And you will find out whether you are suited to being a cat caregiver. You've got to actually like or even love cats to successfully live with a cat companion. That must be a starting point and it is common sense but some people might not think about that when they decide to adopt a cat.

There's no point in regarding cat caregiving as solely a responsibility and a duty. It should be a pleasure to look after a cat. Then you receive the pleasure of living with your cat. It should be entirely reciprocal with equal mutual benefit.

Human to human relationship

There is another quick point to make which is this: if you are in a relationship with a person which is not going that well and you both live in the same home as your cat, it's going to affect your cat negatively, which probably goes without saying. It is another source of stress for you and it will taint the ambience of the household. Domestic cats pick up on that. They demand, really, a calm and stable household.

Human cute aggression provoked by a kitten or puppy can damage teeth!

This is a bit of a stretch of the imagination but it is a recognised condition. You might have experienced it. You see a cute puppy or kitten. You have an urge to smother her with kisses and squeeze her tightly. At the same time, you might clench your teeth. If you do the latter in a slightly careless way, you might damage them. That is the order of events.

Human cute aggression provoked by a kitten or puppy can damage teeth! Image: MikeB.

The experts say that these feelings result in a dimorphous physical action. The word "dimorphous" means existing in two forms. And in this instance, it means you have a feeling of euphoria in seeing something very cute which your verbalise and the other simultaneous form is doing something aggressive like squeezing the cute animal too hard or grinding your teeth.

That's the urge but of course self-control takes over and you don't actually squeeze the animal to the point where the action is aggressive and harmful.

In recognition of this known condition which I had not heard of before, a British dentist, Dr. Rizwan Mahmood, has claimed that idly scrolling through pictures of cute dogs and cats could damage your teeth.

I think that that he is successfully achieving a little bit of publicity and that may be the goal. If it was the goal then well done because it's worked.

If you grind your teeth at the sight of something cute, it would have to be persistent grinding to do any real damage. Like I said, it's a bit of a stretch of the imagination to see real damage occurring.

Social media celebrity, Molly Mae, who featured in the Love Island television series admitted that she has a habit of grinding her teeth to the point where one of them fell out! She blames cute aggression.

She said:

"I'm my own worst enemy because whenever I look at the cat or I look at Ellie Bellie (her stuffed toy elephant) I just talk to Tommy in a stupid baby voice, I do this thing where I grind my teeth. I bit down and my tooth literally came off last night."

The good dentist said:

"It's an instant physical response when humans see something cute like a fluffy kitten, puppy or rabbit which makes them react physically rather than verbally. It doesn't necessarily take too much pressure to do the damage either. So, if you are scrolling through footage on Instagram or TikTok, be mindful of your mouth. If you see something cute, verbalise it instead of physically reacting to it. It could save you a lot of money, and toothache!"